Feelings!
Thought I would get some emotion out of me today.
I have always found it easy to write about my feelings.
I have been an open person who shares my life.
I write what I think and what I think about things
and I was completely open about my cancer.
But I ask myself why it is so difficult to talk about this.
I tell myself that this is probably no more different
than all the other shit that has happened in my life.
Is it because you are older and hope that it will be good now.
Do you repress it because you do not want to feel like this.
Sometimes I feel so pathetic.
Many people think it's just forgetting and moving on but it's not that easy.
You do not control your feelings for anyone,
they are just there or they disappear.
It's easy to smile and pretend that everything is fineeven though it's not.
But when you are alone, everything comes.
How much I miss him, all the conversations about everything
between heaven and earth, all the laughter that made me smile,
all the good morning and goodnight messages,
the closeness, the consideration for each other.
This probably comes as a shock to everyone
but it was he who was the part that was missing my whole life,
I finally felt whole in my soul.
It may sound pathetic but that's the way it is.
Every day is hell. I have no appetite, I have lost three kilos in weight.
I do not know what to do with my feelings.
But thanks to the fucking Corona, I can not go anywhere
or do what I want nothing that can distract my feelings.
I guess it's just letting the emotions flow and hoping it gets better.
But I can never forget it because that part of my heart is just a big empty space.
I have talked to my landlord about having a cat in the apartment,
they said it was okay.
So I have decided to adopt a homeless cat who will get my love and tenderness. Cats have always been a part of my life
and their affection and unconditional love.
Someone who is always there and does not leave or let me down.
The last love of my life.
Enough feelings for today.
Wish you all a good day / evening wherever in the world you are.
Most of all take care of each other and do not forget to live.
Love and Hugs for you all / Ann